Icky but Positive

I battled a headache most of the night and finally came downstairs to take pills and sleep in my chair. Which meant I didn't feel good. A bit depressed, and contemplating my worth. Its very easy to get this way, when you don't feel good, you let your other defenses down. So, after taking a note of my assets, I decided to move forward with a baby step......
This morning is brought to you by Sandra Perry, who furnished my fancy coffee. Thank you.  As it was brewing, I jumped in the shower, continuing to contemplate life.
There is a smell in the bathroom, been there for several days, Yes, its a bathroom, mine is clean, but the pipes are really old. I put bleach in the pipes, thinking that should solve the problem. But I should remind you that there was a mouse in one of the walls in BR the past few weeks. I think I wrote of the battle of the mice.
So here is the "Icky but Positive" part. At least he croaked in the bathroom. I can shut the door. And I have some sprinkle stuff you use in the laundry, but works really great on carpets. And its been  a few days, and smell is going down. Won't be much longer.  :)
Why do I tell you these things, because one of my tools is to find a positive, no matter how small. I like making people laugh with my stories. When we are laughing, we are not crying. That was a very profound statement. LOL
There seems to be one more mouse up in my bedroom wall. I heard him last night. Now if he croaks in that wall, I might not be so understanding. Positive.....I'll cross that bridge when it happens. Maybe he'll move on. Yea right!!!!
Then I have been getting an error message for the last week or so, my GFXUI has stopped working. Really, so tell me something else in my life has stopped working. :)  Went on line to see what that was, Utube video. Actually could understand it, did what it asked for, still did not fix the error message. sigh......My computer is so old....no new updates for my OS.  Not complaining, but this poor computer has a story to tell. and there is not enough time left in the world to tell it.  Positive.....I am very thankful I can get it to come on. It does have a mind of its own. A HP Compaq. must be a good one, cause its still working. I have been looking a getting just a desktop tower, found one at Wally World for under 175.00. would upgrade, so I could watch TV on a larger screen. That should tell you how old this laptop is. no way to hook to tv. Which btw was given to me.
By now, I am feeling better, not overwhelmed as I was when I got up this morning. My great cup of coffee with the last brownie. :)  Positive?  Well I could bake some more. I have the stuff.
I have slowly been taking stuff up stairs, but not putting it away. Its a mess, and yet, positive, its here, its mine, and I have a work place.
As I am writing this, I am slowly reminding myself of my worth, its hard work for me. I grew up in a church that any type of of self, was selfish/vanity. A very hard thing to overcome. Now mix in the trauma, the depression, the outside not wanting to know what its like, makes for quite a recipe for failure. Now what?  Now comes the time to practice Mindfulness, a wonderful tool in my box. I start by pushing aside the past, and making a list of what I am good at, why I am good at it, Reinforcing the good in my life. Its hard work. The PTSD is always with me. I must be prepared for it, as a diabetic has a contingency plan, so must we.
My coffee is drank, my brownie eaten, my depression is in the back, I have artwork to do. I created 6 more tiny native women in stoneware.
I shall go forth and conquer TODAY, not tomorrow, maybe not even in 2 hours, but for this moment, I am moving forward, and as long as I am moving forward. I am not falling backward. May all of you know the peace of mind. You are not alone.
bjw