It's Monday....really?

This morning was a "blue" morning. Melancholy sort of morning. Why? I don't know. That's part of depression. If you wake up feeling that way, its hard to grab a "tool".
From the time I can remember, God has played a role in my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly, in me. So this morning, I started my conversation with God, (oh boy, she really is a nut job).  :)  As I focus on talking to God about feeling blue, I start calming down, and the more I talk, the more I am leaving those other thoughts away. I had a great relationship with my Dad, and I remember a minster telling us that we could approach our Father in the same way. For me, easier cause of the good relationship. Anyway, many many times during my older years as I faced the traumas, I would envision myself crawling up into my Fathers lap and snuggling down, being comforted. Maybe a man would see it differently, what I am saying is, A TOOL in your mental health tool box is a tool to use. So use it.
Its around 9:30 am. I am now up, had my coffee and snack and now organizing my day. I have Facebooked, shared with friends, concentrating on positive messages. Written a note to my big brother, Skip and now to blog.
As always, if you think its a piece of pie to stay well, then you need a better therapist.  I will always be in recovery, I am one of the lucky ones, I am not battling a drug or alcohol addiction. So, I don't have those cravings to overcome. I want to be the one who is a shoulder to lean on when they fall, together we are strong. Alone, we are just that, alone.
And we come to the art part.  Oh I like that "the art part".  I must have things to make me smile, no matter how small. I have been told I have a beautiful smile, and its infectious.  Many, many times, behind that smile are tears and sadness, but in that instance, I have passed on the gift of laughter. Its a good thing.
Art, is in everyone, it is everyone. We just need to find out what and who we are in that, and go for it. I needed someone to help me re discover my art. I have always had some form of art in my life. But after the abuser, I may have done a couple of things. But in 10 years, not really. It was buried really deep. Until I found a wonderful place called Art Awakenings.  And that is exactly what it did for me. There are lots of people who attended who had never touched a brush, or played in the mud.   And yet, they were willing to try, to put in the effort, to be encouraged to have the self worth that they deserved. Everyone who graduates from Art Awakenings is a success. Whether they maintain that success, is dependent upon, their commitment to stay in recover, to have a good support team, and yet we fall. Its such hard work. I get tired, so tired, I have given up, and I had a great tool box, I thought a great support system, and yet I wanted to die, and tried to do just that.
I didn't die, I refuse to give up again. But I must be aware of that possibility, so I keep the Crisis # in my phone. Baby steps, baby steps.
The positive today, Ya its Monday, I am now in a better place than 2 hours ago. We can do this together. My day?  More little native girls are going to come to life in my clay work. May you have a most blessed day.
bjw