Coping

I tend to get quiet when things begin to overwhelm and I try my best to cope in an appropriate manner. Which means for me, not to think about death and dying. Little things have always led to big things, and then comes the one that will break the camels back.....so to speak........

This week, the laptop has finally died. My fault for not backing it up. In my mind its a total disaster. Why, cause its about money and the ability to replace certain things. My lifestyle is at the nill. My therapist reminds me of the fact that I can do it. Its not very comforting to know that. Especially when tools that I need, really need to help me stay focused. My computer is my lifeline to the outside world, I can control who I let in and who I don't want. I stay safe in my home, without the world busting in. 

Doing graphic design with Photoshop, lets my creative juices flow, plus I like to pay it forward with small businesses just starting out.  We need a nice business card, marketing tools, etc. without paying a fortune. I was never that lucky. 

Anyway, so I sit here today, not thinking about what is gone. I can't. I think of 15 years of files gone. Contacts, everything.  Yes I should have backed it up.My whole life should have been backed up. Oh yes, I found out I became a great grandma this week, on FB. whew.  It hurt my feelings. Sigh

So now comes the coping. Realizing that the files are all lost, I don't have a way to create any new ones, a lot of breathing......a lot of breathing.......

I did take time yesterday to do some clay work. I am so tired, physically, tried to get some stuff off of storage trailer. I did in fact find my clay stamps, most of them, just to old to be moving so much. Then a storm came in and really hurt my achey joints. When you don't feel well and you are dealing with your own crisis, it just hurts. 

So what now?  Baby Steps. Would really be nice to have someone looking after me. I mean really looking after me. LOL  would be nice to be very well off. chuckle... So back to baby steps. One of my personal survival skills, of the past, is to just push it in the closet, which is what I have to do today. I don't want to deal or not deal with the graphics issue, the computer issue. I can't do anything about it. sigh

Next step, work some more clay, have another cup of coffee, watch some tv and take my mind somewhere else. 

Sometimes our only coping skills is to just breath. And keep breathing. AND KEEP BREATHING. I am going to do my best to have a safe day, a good day. Peace to all of you.

bjw