Yesterday, another full blown panic attack. Found someone to look at computer and he was able to fix it on the cheap. As we talked I just started crying Memories of The Art Project came flooding back and the trauma associated with it all. The young man shared with me his story, 2 tours in Iraq, his PTSD and how many of his friends did not survive coming home due to suicides. From there, I went to pick up some things at the store. I am counting my pennies. Making sure that I just grab necessary items. 3 onions, a can of corn, bread from the day old side, and my only treat, my coffee creamer. Being so careful, and I feel the anxiety building. Oh its time to check and see if my scripts are ready for pickup, I'll do that while I am here, then I won;t have to go out again except to pick up the computer later in the day. As I wait my turn, I am trying out this new technique my therapist want me to try, its tapping with your fingers key acupuncture points on your body. I must have been to far gone. I tapped a sore place on my collar. :) I was calm as I spoke with the lady, I have been having problems getting my test strips for my diabetes. I had gotton a letter stating that the insurance co was denying the claim and again, they wanted money from me. As we spoke, she wanted to help me, did I have all the cards and numbers, as I explained that I had made the necessary calls to insurance last time, I quietly and politely told her that it was ok, I didn't needed to test, but I did need the other meds. I think at first she thought I was being lazy, maybe being difficult. And the tears came. She wanted to give me phone numbers of people she thought might help me. Thru the tears, I attempted to explain that I would do it, I just couldn't do it today. She was so nice and understanding, as I cried, she told me not to worry, that give her an hour and she would see what she could do and call me. True to her word, about an hour later she did call and she did get it fixed and got it so I had no co pay. Miss Rosie of City Market is a true heroine. Even this morning, I can't sleep, and then I found the following post on Face Book that I felt I just needed to share. so here it is. Before I finish up, i am still in distress, BUT I am not suicidal. Its important for me to tell you this, This blog helps me so much, stay on path, that even when I have days like yesterday, I can still use those tools in my tool box. Be at peace today, there are mental health heroes out there. I hope that we can also be heroes to others. Have a blessed day. Remember you have value, you are worth saving, you are worth living. bjw
Pete Laws
I've been inspired by a recent story by Amber Smith and I want to join in to help raise awareness and understanding of an illness that affects millions of us. Including me.
The photo on the left is me on a "normal" day and on the right is the side of me nobody sees. My struggle with anxiety.
Not enough people realise how real anxiety is and that you cannot just "get over it" as most people seem to think. It causes breathlessness, dizziness, stomach pains, headaches, trembling and shakes, palpitations and extreme fatigue. The smallest of worries can be blown way out of proportion and start an attack, stuff you would probably laugh at if you knew and that's not even including the point where you become a social recluse because you can't face even your best friends.
The problem is is that it's no laughing matter for sufferers and not enough people are aware of the destruction it can cause somebody's life if they don't get the right support. So please, if you know anyone who is struggling - reach out and offer support. Or at the very least be a little more understanding next time they "freak out about nothing" because what you think is nothing, is their whole world right now.
Feel free to share my story or even better, do one yourself. I would love for all my anxious friends to come together and help rid the world of the stigma surrounding this dreadful mental illness.
Here's a link to my inspiration for this;https://www.facebook.com/alouglobal/posts/10209306937688035
No comments:
Post a Comment